“Mundane” is one of those words we don’t usually want to associate with aspect of our lives.
It provokes images of lousy, sunless days, lacking any color and luster. Uninspiring and unimaginative routines that sap all energy and enthusiasm from you. Lukewarm drinks that neither warm you nor refresh you.
Who would want to be mundane, let alone have a mundane marriage?
But, what if that’s exactly what’s happening to you? What if your daily marital routine is so ordinary and downright boring that it has become painful . . . even dreadful?
What happened to those days when everything felt like an extended honeymoon? Those days when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? When you talked for hours, even late into the night? When you had passion and goals and dreams?
That was so long ago…
So, in all honesty, should it surprise you that your marriage has become a little flat?
Some may say that you just reached a level of contentment.
But what if it feels more negative than that? What if you’re truly bored with your marriage . . . to the point of wanting to leave?
Before you take drastic measures that you may later regret, why not ask yourself why you’re bored in the first place? What are the underlying reasons of your boredom?
Four Possible Reasons You May Be Bored With Your Marriage:
You don’t really know each other. When you don’t take the time to get to know each other and fall in love too quickly, the depth of your relationship can suffer. Eventually, certain character traits can become annoyances. And if you don’t make sure that, aside from great sex, you have shared passions and long-term goals, it’s like building a house of straw.
Or perhaps you did know each other when you married, but life experience has changed one or both of you. Noted relationship researcher John Gottman uses the term "love maps" to describe how well you know each other's world. He emphasizes that these love maps must be continually updated.
- Your daily routine is monotonous – Everything you do together is so predictable, you could close your eyes and do it. You have it all prepared, set up just perfectly for the way to your future plans. En route, though, excitement and spontaneity have become casualties that were left by the wayside.
- You’ve become joined at the hip – Spending too much time together can be tiresome and feel confining. When you have no friends, activities, or “me” time outside your relationship, you can lose yourself and get completely lost.
- Communication is nonexistent – When little daily chats become bothersome and appear unimportant, your connection will suffer. Who would want to share all that trivial stuff? Shouldn’t there be more monumental things to talk about in a marriage? Not necessarily. The little things do matter, too.
You don’t need to feel guilty if some of these scenarios resemble your marriage. But you do need to do something about it, stat!
What to Do When You’re Bored With Your Marriage
Well, what do you want to do? Fix it? Move on? Cry about it? These are a few options. Leaving isn’t usually the most sensible one.
So, why not consider brightening and livening up your mundane marriage with these tips:
Tip #1: Change your outlook
Understanding that all marriages go through various stages can help give you a new outlook on this “settling in” stage you may have reached. What may seem boring and dull could also be seen as stable and secure.
If that makes you feel uncomfortable and seems way too negative, sit down with your partner and talk about it. Discuss what you may want to improve in your lives together and draw up a plan of action.
Tip #2: Spice up your day-to-day life
It doesn’t have to be anything grandiose. Just seek out new activities together, look to share new interests or experiencing something out of the ordinary. Perhaps something you’ve always talked about but never had a chance to explore.
Mix it up and break up your daily routine. Think back to when you first dated and the things you used to do. Be proactive and bring back that old spark! (Read my earlier post on how to incorporate more fun in your relationship).
Tip #3: Have your own life outside your marriage
While you’re married to each other and should spend time with each other, it’s just as important to have lives outside your relationship. To a reasonable degree, you should have your own hobbies, friends, and space. Spending time with people other than your spouse or alone is crucial for your growth as an individual.
Moreover, it makes for great conversation sharing the fun stories about each other’s day. When your life is more varied and balanced, you become a more interesting person. This leads to being more interested in each other as well.
Tip #4: Keep learning about yourself and your spouse
Continuously discovering new things about yourself and your partner is the way you grow and create happiness within yourself and your marriage. Take time to think and dig deeper into your own emotions and motivations.
Ponder on why you got married in the first place and what attracted you to your spouse. Open up to each other and reconnect. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married, keep learning something new about each other every day.
Don’t just resign yourselves to being bored in your marriage. And don't think that divorce is the only answer. If applying the aforementioned tips doesn’t noticeably improve your relationship, don’t give up. Instead, talk to a third party. See a marriage counselor. You won’t regret it!