5 Ways to Become Your Spouse's Best Friend Again

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You and your spouse or partner are meant to be best friends.

It may sound corny or cliche. But it’s awesome. In fact, it’s essential. Being best friends with your spouse is not a symbolic title like “soul mate.” Best friend status comes with responsibility and rewards. And that requires real relationship work.

This is definitely not to say you can’t and shouldn’t have other best friends. Best friends come in all varieties. But there’s absolutely nothing like a deeply committed partnership grounded in solid friendship.

5 Reasons Why Your Spouse Should be Your Best Friend

1. You break through the “relationship” barrier

Whether we like it or not, we have a “relationship” personality. There’s a unique way we behave when interacting with our partner in any way. At times, it can be a barrier. Breaking past any limiting choices may begin by not limiting how we perceive our spouse.

2. You learn the good, the bad, the secrets, and the dreams

Why not aim for ALL the connections? Of course, we all need to keep a few things for ourselves, but the closest of friends lead the way when it comes to full disclosure.

3. Disagreements feel less catastrophic

When couples fight, a dark cloud appears. When good friends fight, they more often reconcile quickly. But when couples are best friends, those inevitable spats lose some of that it’s-the-end-of-the-world vibe.

4. Inside jokes

Best friends speak in a language all their own. Quite often, it’s a language without words. Best of all, there’s an endless supply of inside jokes.

5. The conversations never stop

Silence is needed at times. But in relationships, silence can be a red flag. Good friends, however, often talk about how they pick up a conversation as if no time has passed—even when it’s been months!

5 Ways to Become Your Spouse’s Best Friend Again

1. Commit to radical honesty

This dovetails with #1 above. To reinforce your foundation, infuse it with trust, trust, and more trust. Commit together to practice the most radical form of honesty you can imagine.

2. Define for each other what you need from a best friend

Take out a pen and a piece of paper and make a list. What does “best friend” mean to you and what do you require from such a relationship? When you’re both ready, share the lists. Marvel at how many characteristics you already share. Then do the work to make the rest of it happen.

3. Seek out new interests, adventures, and experiences

Evolution is the solution! Comfort is crucial. Complacency is poison. Keep trying new things—from actual adventures to new forms of intimacy and beyond.

4. Defend each other on social media

In today’s world, social media interactions count…a lot. Make a habit of publicly supporting each other on whatever platforms you share. Let it be known that no one messes with your best friend!

5. Accept the long-term process of being a best friend

Life is quite an unpredictable journey. Its innumerable variations keep us on our toes. View this as an urgent challenge to make things count now while accepting the changes that lie ahead.

Couples Counseling can boost your friendship bond

You may not have even seen it happening but you and your spouse may have drifted away from each other. Has everything from conversations, intimacy, and even your foundational connection changed? If so, simply declaring “let’s be best friends again” is just a band-aid. 

You and your best friend may need to commit to doing some rebuilding work in couples counseling. In your sessions, you can examine the underlying causes for the distance between you.

At the same time, you’ll learn new skills and strategies for reconnecting in new and wonderful ways. Most importantly, you’ll be reminded to never again take your friendship for granted.