Premarital Counseling: How to Support and Merge Your Hopes and Dreams

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Perhaps you see yourselves as soul mates who have been blessed with eternal love. Who needs counseling when you’ve discovered happily-ever-after?

Tap the brakes a bit. Life isn’t a romantic comedy. Romance and marriage can often be a magical ride but sustaining that magic requires commitment. It also requires work, lots and lots of work.

Some Common Marriage Myths

My soul mate always knows what I’m thinking and feeling.

This is a fairy tale. You can finish each other’s sentences and feel like you exist on the same wavelength. But, through it all, you are unique and evolving individuals. Communication is about directness, not guesswork and assumptions. The best way to express your deep connection is to honor it by doing the work.

Differences are bad.

Having differences is inevitable and not automatically a good or bad thing. How you and your spouse react to those differences is where danger may lurk. Dysfunctional communication is a true concern.

Arguments are bad.

Arguments are also inevitable. With diligent and healthy communication, they usually present no threat to your marriage. Yet again, what matters most is how spouses choose to behave when conflict arises.

Having kids will bring you closer and fulfill your marriage.

If you both feel driven toward being parents, fine. But choosing to start a family should never merely be a way to “fix” a relationship. Don’t leave this topic to chance. Saying you’ll “cross that bridge when you reach it” is a recipe for misunderstanding and resentment.

Intimacy is all about passion and spontaneity.

In the beginning, this may feel accurate. Over time, your connection evolves and intimacy involves attention and conversation. This may not sound sexy in a conventional sense. But it’s way sexier than settling into a routine (or no routine at all).

What is Premarital Counseling and How Can it Support and Merge Your Hopes & Dreams?

Premarital counseling — as the name implies — is a type of therapy that takes place before a couple ties the knot. Among many other purposes, it can assist couples with identifying their strengths and weaknesses and how both may impact the relationship. Premarital counseling can facilitate a stronger, healthier connection with more stability and satisfaction. Considering the steady (and staggering) divorce rate, it only makes sense to be as prepared as possible for this big step.

Some of the topics discussed during premarital counseling may include:

  • Dealing with an expanded family

  • Finances

  • Sex and intimacy

  • Having kids

  • Spiritual beliefs

  • Making decisions — big and small

  • Conflict resolution and anger management

  • Social dynamics like age, race, gender, and ability

  • Your independent lives

  • Communication

These crucial conversations often help both partners enhance their skills in areas like:

  • Communication

  • Setting expectations and goals

  • Conflict resolution

Hopes and dreams are ingredients for most marriages. Falling in love empowers us to feel that anything is possible. But committing to the hard work is how you can merge those hopes and dreams. It’s a delicate balancing act to give yourself to a relationship without losing too much of yourself.

Get Started with a Couples Counselor Today!

Don’t focus more on your wedding prep than your marriage prep. Premarital counseling is just a phone call or a few clicks away. It quite possibly is the biggest decision any two people can make as they commit to living as a married couple. However, don’t get caught up on the term “premarital.” Such counseling is just as essential for partners preparing to live together for the first time. Many couples end up expressing regret like, “If only we had talked about this in advance.” Premarital counseling gives you the chance to address questions well before they can grow into problems. Please consider a consultation with me soon.